If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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