I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
