i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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