Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
