Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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