In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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