you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
