so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
