This is not my ceiling
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
