So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
