Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
