I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
