If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
