I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
