Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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