i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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