Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
