The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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