you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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