I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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