So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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