So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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