The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
