Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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