dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
