I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
