I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
