Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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