I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
