I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
