I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
