I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
