There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
