I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
