i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
