I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pooping to opera.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
