she kept yelling 'call me bella'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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