peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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