I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
