he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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