Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
