put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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