hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
