whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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