that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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