why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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