his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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