And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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