he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
