I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
