I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
