i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
