wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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