yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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