If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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