what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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