I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
