I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
