my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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