Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
