So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
